She is

Sparkles of the breeze of the wind are dusted off her face as she wipes it away. The emotions are spoken through her eyes. It shows what’s hidden within her soul. The deeper you dig, the more you will find. Acceptance has finally found its place in her life. There is nothing more she can do. She has fought this battle long enough on her own. But she can’t stay here. She’s walking away. Her quietness speaks of empty promises made, broken words thrown at her and shattered memories that never turned out to be good. Broken is who she is. Broken is what she breathes and broken is what beats in her heart. She will never be the same again. Her childhood has left her, her loved ones have passed on. All she wants to do is be real with her lord. That’s why she sits there fragile, broken and damaged in front of his throne. Whether he judges her or not is up to him. She is done. She doesn’t want to fight anymore. She doesn’t want to run, walk or crawl. All she wants is to sleep and never wake up again. She is strong..but she is tired.

Hopeless

One last tear slid down her face. Quietly breathing in the last breathe of peace that seemed to hang in the air. Exhaling the stress that once over took her life and continually did so, she kept on walking. She ran before but now she’s walking. Soon enough she’ll be crawling on her knees where her knees will be scraped by the darkness that hid deep beneath the soil. Her life wasn’t an easy one. She tried to change what she couldn’t. She couldn’t help but accept the fact that some things will never be the same again. Over and over her heart has been shattered. Over and over it kept breaking until one gently blow from the wind smashed it until it scattered all over her. Cuts digging deep beneath her skin, seeping into the very flesh that once held her heart. She didn’t want to fight anymore. She had enough. She had given up.
She walked along the beach near by and sat down comfortably on the sand that layed beneath her. Running through her mind as each chaptered scene played out her life. Memories, so much memories! Where did they all go? It felt as if it was erased in one moment never to return. She could still hear the laughter, the smell of food every Sunday. The voices of her relatives being around her. Her heart broke then. It broke softly and melted into a mushy sand like substance. Embracing the breeze one more time, she closed her eyes and the wind brush away her cares, worries and pain. She stood up and decided to walk on and walk strong. Even though things weren’t the same, she had to carry on. It was the only way.

Anger Arises

Tossing and turning during sleepless nights. She feels the moon light softly burning her skin. She feels the stars sparkle falling upon her as she opened her eyes. Again, she cannot sleep. It had been a weeks time before she realized that she couldn’t understand why. Why her? Why does everyone else around her seem to be happy and moving on with life? Why does everything still seem the same even though people say God has a plan for her? What plan? Was there even a plan? Was there ever a God? Did he exist? Did he love her? As many more questions plagued her mind, she sat up and let out a stressful sigh. What am I doing here? Why am I here? Am I meant to be here or am I an accident? Memories. Too many memories flooding her mind as pecks of tear filled eyes and found its way to her cheeks and then to her lips. She could taste the bitterness but warm tear drops that continuously sunk into her mouth. She closed her eyes once more and laid down to sleep.  She sat up again . Maybe things will change. Maybe they won’t. She couldn’t help but hope for the worst, cause the worst was all she lived. the day she went into hospital. Her heart beat slowly as she fell back into her pillows and fell asleep.

With darkness around

She stands alone in the dark except a dimlight that shines only upon her very being. Surrounded by quietness of suspicion, she can sense all eyes on her. It’s as if she’s on stage and there is an invisible audience watching her every move. Waiting patiently to see her take her next step. The coldness of the air begins to seep in her surroundings. She starts to shiver as she slowly buries her face into her palms. Frustration overtakes her being as she shouts her lungs out “LET ME OUTTA HERE!”. She then falls apart emotionally and looks around, trying to see if there was a way out. But all she could see was pure darkness. Pitch black. With the only sound being the echo of her sobbing & weeping. Water from her eyes fall lightly, dissolving into the ground. She falls to the ground, cuddles her knees near her chest with her face hidden as all hope was truly lost. She was abandoned. She had nothing left but herself in the end. She was all alone.

She’s alone…

A glimmer of hope descends as it rides upon the wind. She didn’t mean to but let a trickle of tear drop slide down her face. Hand’s clenched in anger and pain. She didn’t understand a thing that has happened to her in her own life. She couldn’t resist the temptations that she’s fell into many times before. All she could do was wait in anticipation, anxiously fearing the worst to come. Her mind was fogged up of past memories & how it felt as if her childhood was stolen from her. She tried her best to push forward, to push past all the pain, anger and resentment. What is she waiting for? Even she couldn’t answer that question herself. Thinking that if she did what everyone else did, she would be happy. But deep down inside her heart slowly bleeds of tears that have been built up inside. She couldn’t take it no more. She wanted to scream! She wanted to run away. From the people, from the situations, from the memories, from everything. It seemed as if time was on fast forward and she was just aging each day that went by. She took a glimpse around her surroundings. How could she not at least be thankful? Especially for how far the lord has brought her. For everything he brought her through. Even walking through the darkest of the darkest days that came by her. As she sat there, the sun at it’s highest peak, she could feel a breeze brush past her. She calmed her mind and soaked up the view in sight. She needed this moment. She needed to be alone. She had to get away from everyone, even life itself. She remembers running around at her grandma’s house, a house full of many memories. She remembers her childhood home growing up. Playing in the backyard and making houses of hay on the field behind it. “Where had it all gone? Where did all these good times go?” She thought. Heart beating with emotions ready to break out, she couldn’t hold it in any longer. She screamed and cried as she crumbled to her knees. Nothing was left in her life, nothing at all. All that she had seemed like it was stolen to her by time. She didn’t know it but he was there watching her. His heart was beating for her and he could feel her pain…..